Entry #14

Entry #14

Wednesday, October 12

My parents are in town and I made arrangements for them to see Rabbi Jan Brahms, the person my mom babysat while growing up in Cleveland, who also happens to be a cousin. My mom was 11 when Rabbi Brahms (then a mere toddler named Jan or even Janny or Janjan—who knows?) was three. Now, 59 years later, here they are:

Thursday, October 13

9:00 a.m. What’s with Izzie? She was bounding like a crazed deer this morning when I took her for a walk. I think she was either overjoyed that for the first time since we’ve arrived it was actually cool this morning, or maybe she’s just a dingbat and loves chasing dew drops (it rained last night). Perhaps a bit of both. She has been known to chase butterfly shadows, so I wouldn’t put this past her.

At one point she’d run so far away through the woods I thought I’d lost her, but then she came galloping back. While waiting for her, I noticed that the sun's rays were shining through the trees in a way that brings to mind harps and angels singing Gloria in Excelsis Deo! Wish I had my camera...

Still on the lookout for animals in the woods. The only one I’ve seen thus far is the copperhead. I continue to see all too many flattened fauna in the streets though, which never ceases to upset me and the kids. This morning I saw the cutest little cottontail lying face down across the street from the park. Yesterday I saw two more unidentifiable critters. If only there was some kind of fencing so the animals could be protected.

After taking my crazy pooch for a hike, I went into Ace Hardware to pick up a rainbow-trout-shaped lighter for my dad because David adopted the one I originally bought for him. (My dad's an avid fisherman.) While there, I spoke to one of the friendly salesmen who works there, a retired corporate guy who originally hails from Ohio. He started telling me "what a shame it is about the coach from the Buckeyes." I just stood there with a glazed smile, thinking about the fact that I had no idea what he was talking about. All I know about college football is what I’m learned from watching Friday Night Lights.

While waiting at the checkout counter, I spotted some interesting new items: “The Texas Two Step Nutcracker” (only one left—must be popular), all kinds of “Grandma’s” soaps and salves, some Appalachian remedies, Two Old Goats fibromyalgia cream, and a “Patriotic Necklace” with glowing red, white, and blue stars. Ace’s lighter collection has expanded to include not only an assortment of rifles, fishing rods, fish, golf clubs, and match-shaped lighters, but also a duck-shaped one (for hunters) and an extra-long one, apparently for women who are scared of igniting barbecues (as the image on the box cover illustrates).

The buyer for this hardware store must either a)have a quirky sense of humor, b)feel sorry for the salesmen who have to sell things like “Monkeybutt Cream,” or c) be closely related to the person who sells him/her this stuff. Either way, I’ve never seen such eclectic items sold at an Ace Hardware Store. It certainly reflects the local culture.

10:00 a.m. On today’s Huffington Post, there’s a piece on “Rejected Ben & Jerry flavors,” tongue-in-cheek, of course. It includes the following:

• Perry Garcia: Texas Tea Ice Cream Overrun with Illegal Chocolate Chunks,  
• Sara Palin’s Mama Grizzly Crunch: S’mores-Flavored Ice Cream with Fudge Hockey Pucks & Graham Cracker Guns, (1/2 Full!),
• Glenn Beck’s Nuts n’ Batsh*t
• Michele Machmango’s Teabagger Brickle: Our list of ingredients may be incorrect and spelled poorly, but we’re not big on facts...

 4:00 p.m. Spent the day with my folks visiting Houston. We first went to the Museum of Contemporary Craft which I’ve heard great things about, but it looked kind of dubious from the outside, especially street side. The place looked deserted, for one, and the building was right across the street from a “checks cashed” place...This is supposed to be the beautiful museum district?

This museum is tiny, but what we saw was actually pretty interesting overall. One artist in particular gave my mom the heebie-jeebies though. Here’s how she describes her art:

“I am interested in revealing the beauty and dysfunction of domestic settings...I am baring my sense of conflict in familial relationships and how I long for those same relationships to be something they may never be.”

Her pieces are largely composed of hankerchiefs (and bras, underwear and t-shirts) dipped in porcelain, some held by clay renderings of chicken’s feet, which she ate as a child. Needless to say, this was not my mom’s cup of tea (or bowl of feet).

Another piece was an upside-down deer head knitted everywhere but across its eyes, with plants dangling from its antlers. At first I thought this was a statement against hunting/adorning walls with animal heads (I thought the deer head was fake) until I looked closer and saw that it was definitely real.

From the Contemporary Craft Museum we veered toward the heart of the museum district, “The Loop” as it’s called. This area looked like it could almost be in Europe, with a roundabout, a sculpture of a man on a horse, a fountain, and plenty of greenery. We were initially going to visit the Museum of Fine Arts, but my parents had already seen the featured King Tut exhibit, so we headed to the zoo.

I was happy to learn that this zoo is devoted to the environment and conservation, and had recycling containers at every corner. The enclosures were largely animal-friendly, though I always have a hard time seeing primates in captivity. Still, there were some really interesting animals I’ve never seen before like babirusas, and the lions and tigers and bears (oh my!) were fascinating to watch. Plus, there were three baby elephants. What’s not to love about that?

5:00 p.m. Noah shared with me some of his most recent discussions with classmates over lunch. Two of them said they don’t believe that global warming exists (both are staunch Perry supporters). One surmised that the reason the Earth is getting warmer is because it’s getting closer to the sun.

Another discussion started off with “What do you want to be when you grow up?” and quickly digressed to "What do you want to have when you grow up?" One kid said he wanted to be an engineer, then said he wanted to have a “big house, fast car, lots of money, and a hot wife.” I’m just so thankful Noah was rolling his eyes rather than nodding his head.

7:30 p.m. I defrosted a bunch of the steaks I bought off the truck a couple weeks back, since my dad’s a major carnivore. He also happens to be an amazing cook and knows his cuts o’ meat. He said the alleged filet mignons aren’t actually filets, but rather round cuts of sirloin. He said that the other steaks are so thin and small, they’re “breakfast steaks,” the type you fry in a pan for steaks and eggs.

While defrosting the chicken breasts (that I also bought off the truck), my dad told me that they are merely shaped like whole breasts. The tenders have all been removed. He worked at his parents' chicken store for many years and knows his poultry better than anyone.

I'm such a sucker.

Saturday, October 15

Since my parents are here and we only had until 1:30 to bop around, we decided to visit Old Town Spring, which is about 20 minutes away. En route, we passed a billboard for laser hair removal that said “Call 1-713-RU Hairy” and Furr’s Buffet, which looked like it said “Furry Buffet.” Guess the latter might be a good place for hairy people to congregate before getting laser removal. Another billboard read, “Beef: Why space aliens steal our cows.”

The most interesting aspect of Old Spring was hearing about the history of this town from the perspective of a docent at the Historical Museum. He told us what Spring was like during his childhood (about 60+ years ago). He said that he could fill up his truck with gas, take his girlfriend to the movies, get popcorn and a Coke, all for less than $5. He said there were less than 200 hundred people in the town at that time, and that he went from his church to the one that this museum now occupies so he could try to hold hands with the pastor’s daughter. 

He asked if my parents have tried BlueBell ice cream and they said they have (I got some for them to try; it’s a Texas-based brand). He patted his round belly proudly and said he blamed BlueBell for the extra twenty pounds he needs to lose, and then talked about getting a burger after being relieved from his work shift.

While walking around we spotted a café that sold fried Twinkies, fried Snickers, fried Oreos, Jolly Rancher slushies, “curley” fries, and fresh fruit smoothies (just to wash it all down). Another place, a converted train car, sold Frito chili pie, BBQ stuffed nachos and turkey legs, among other artery-clogging items.

I did spot one health food store, but it was also a Christian supply store, which was an interesting combination. “Eat healthy and be closer to God” perhaps? I’ve never seen such a pairing.

The town is very pet-friendly. We noticed several dog-supply stores, the Woof Pet Bakery and Boutique, and posters for the upcoming Pet Fair. Izzie was also permitted to sit outside with us while we ate at Ellen’s café (she enjoyed the breadsticks, too).

My parents were fascinated by an Asian store that had purchased a number of Terracotta Warriors. Until recently, a specially constructed site in Katy, Texas housed 6,000 one-third scale reproductions of Emperor Qin’s army. The originals date back to the Third century B.C.. They were discovered in 1974 by some local farmers in the Lintong District, Xi’ian while digging a water well. My parents saw the originals when they visited China last spring and were pleased to see some of the reproductions, too.

 Most of the stores, however, were pretty touristy. I did go into a bead store and entered in the middle of a conversation between two southern women. One was joking that she kept sending her daughter Obama trinkets, to which the other woman replied, “Oh you...[naughty gal]!” The mother said, “Well, she did vote for Obama.” The other woman replied, “I just think we should get him and all those other S.O.B.s outta office!” It was obvious from the tone and pitch of this conversation, that these women just assumed that their view was status quo.

While the truck we parked behind was littered with anti-Obama stickers, we passed one that sported a very poignant sticker: iSad, an apple with Steve Jobs’ profile replacing the area where a bite cutout would be. I imagine Jobs himself might’ve gotten a chuckle out of this.

4:00 p.m. Received The Woodlands Reviewit in the mail today. The front cover featured a woman with a top-lip so swollen, she either had a major implant or was bitten by a Texas-sized bee. The woman featured is named “Holli Ann” and held out a bowl of pasta with veggies. The article about her Secret Kingdom spa and Dragonfly Café included the following description: 

“There may be a misconception that the Secret Kingdom is a pretentious and expensive setting, but despite the luxurious décor and the high end offerings, Holli’s business is welcoming, friendly, and affordable.” 

A photo on the upper right-hand side shows Holli sitting, legs crossed, with five tough-looking, scantily-clad women scowling behind her. The photo below this one shows Holli’s daughter in a satiny princess dress sitting on her lap. Neither one of these photos portrays the spa as remotely friendly, welcoming or affordable. What an odd choice for a feature article. Once again, most advertisements in this local magazine focus on cosmetic procedures and other self-improvement services.

The second glossy magazine that came today is Nu Image: An informative Texas specialty magazine. The cover features “My Dream Team Docs: Houston’s premier makeover specialists come together to make your dreams a reality.” Whatever happened to a focus on healing? Aging gracefully? The first two-page spread features weight-loss and cosmetic dentistry ads, followed by a two-page spread on liposuction, complete with repulsive before and after photos. The mustachioed doctor has a mullet-cut and a cheesy tie. Would you trust him with a scalpel?

Wednesday, October 19

This is the longest I’ve gone without writing (a whopping four days!) and while my life here is far from a rip roarin’ adventure, I do feel the need to catch up. My parents left on Monday after being here for a week, and my mother-in-law and her twin sister arrived yesterday. Somehow it just doesn’t seem very hospitable holing up in my office while we have guests, so I abstained for a few days... But now my mother-in-law and her sister are off to Houston to see the first of many days of Sweet Adelines singing performances, so I actually have a chunk o’ time.

 We all really enjoyed having my folks here. It was fun to play tourist with them, too. On Sunday, we ventured out to Galveston, which had been completely ravaged by Hurricane Ike. Three years later, it’s largely rebuilt. We happened upon an art fair downtown, so we parked and looked around. There were a few impressive artisans, and a great photographer, too, but mostly run-of-the-mill stuff. I’ve never seen so many variations of crosses for sale—as jewelry, wall art, hair art, garden art, even body art (there was a henna booth).

We ended up eating a place adjacent to the Marina. Watching the pelicans and the shrimp boats come in was interesting, especially at dusk, with the play of sunlight on the water. 

When we finally arrived home, around 8:00 p.m., I heard the doorbell ring. My dad went to see who it was. There was no one there, but a Halloween gift basket left mysteriously on the doorstep. Inside a decorative plastic bowl were with mini candy bars, mini plastic cauldrons, plastic vampire teeth, plastic straws, a plastic flashlight with a Frankenstein head, a sheet that read “You’ve been boo’ed” as well another one with a pre-printed rhyming note, unsigned. The note was a form/chain letter that explained that now that I’ve received this package, I need to send two more to unsuspecting neighbors (so the ghouls of Halloween wouldn’t haunt me).

Rather than react with, “Oh, how fun! How sweet!” my inner humbug felt more like, “Ugh. Now I have to go out and buy plastic Halloween junk to make two of these?” I'd never heard of “getting boo’ed” before, so I looked it up, and discovered that this is not a new trend; it's just a suburban one.

I initially thought I’d repurpose the plastic stuff and a few of the mini candy bars, but Aidan was much too excited about the bat bowl and wanted to keep the silly straws. For some reason, I just wanted to do this and get it over with, so I went to CVS, and got the least offensive Halloween items I could find. I can’t really buy stuff that’s truly ghastly (even if it is Halloween), so I ended up spending over $20 on reusable baskets, full-size candy bars, light sticks, etc.. Really pathetic.

I defrosted part of the giant block of cookie dough (the first of my many purchases from kids doing door-to-door fundraisers), rolled it in Halloween sprinkles, then filled a little basket with cookies and placed it in the larger basket (Martha Stewart would be proud). When it was dark, Aidan and I made the deliveries (i.e., rang the doorbell, then ran away.)

The one small act of rebellion I committed was leaving out the chain mail letter. I know the whole point of this ridiculous mystery gift basket thing was to keep it going, but I think it’s pretty lame, so I left it out. Besides, it’s much more pleasant to receive a gift basket and simply enjoy it.

Monday morning greeted us with fog for the first time since we’ve been here. When Aidan walked outside, he said, “Aaaah, finally—a nice day!” Noah came out and said virtually the same thing. Can you tell my kids were raised in San Francisco?

We had to leave early for the dentist, which happens to be in the medical center adjacent to the kids’ school. We walked in and were met with a strong “dental” smell, not so much bad breath as a combination of oral hygiene cleaning agents mixed with filling material. Aidan looked around and said, “Mom, don’t you think this place kind of has a bad vibe?” He looked around the spacious waiting room and saw the play area and returned. “You have to pay a quarter to play a game. Don’t you think that’s kinda corny?” The dentist was actually great, a Texas man with a booming, southern accent and warm demeanor. What I liked most about him was the fact that he errs on the side of avoiding unnecessary procedures, like filling baby teeth that will be falling out soon anyway. All in all, the most painless dental visit ever (despite the smell)!

After school, Noah shared the latest about his various classmates. Being a Montessori school, the classes are clustered, so he has both seventh and eighth graders in his class. One seventh grader announced that he has two costumes for Halloween: a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costume and a Power Ranger costume. If he was being tongue-in-cheek about this it would be one thing, but he was completely serious. Noah won’t even go trick-or-treating because he thinks he’s too old. Plus, being 6’2”, he looks even older than that, and he doesn’t want to explain himself.

I mistakenly received an email from Aidan’s teacher at the public school he originally attended. She began her letter with “Happy Fall Y’All!” and proceeded to thank parents for donating various Halloween items, then continued, “Y”all are so awesome!”

12:30 p.m.: Apparently, Rick Perry has been “booed” too, but without the apostrophe. While debating recently, he dismissed Anderson Cooper’s question saying, “You get to ask the questions. I get to answer how I want [by not answering the question].”

What makes me want to boo him even more is his anti-environmental stance, covered in Bloomberg Businessweek:

Gov. Rick Perry likes to say the best way to promote economic growth is to reduce regulation. When it come to the environment, Perry has made Texas one of the most industry-friendly states in the nation.

Perry hsa cut funding for clean air programs and sued the Environmental Protection Agency to avoid enforcing laws to make the air cleaner. As part of his Republican presidential campaign, he routinely blasts the White House for tightening environmental standards...

The new law reflects Perry’s contention that global warming is a questionable theory and that regulation always creates an adverse business climate...

Texas releases more heat-trapping carbon dioxide—the chief gas in the greehouse effect—than any other state...

Still watching Friday Night Lights. We’re on the third season now (the show lasted five seasons). Here’s a great quote I heard on last night’s show:

“What are they gonna do if you do quit the team, shoot you?”

“Yeah, probably. We do live in Texas.”