Entry #5

Entry #5

I feel awful. I accidentally smushed a lizard, a tiny one about two inches long. I’d noticed something scurry beneath a cardboard sculpture at the kids’ school and was curious to see what it was. I looked under part of the sculpture and didn’t see anything, so I lifted up the whole thing and saw a lizard, completely flattened (by me, apparently). Its striped tail was still twitching, which made my unintentional crime all the more upsetting. 

Earlier today I saw two other lizards, both alive (thankfully). One was green and about five inches long. Izzie wagged her tail, trying to play hide-and-seek with it. She spotted another one too, and chased it up a tree. It was profoundly bigger, about ten inches long and looked almost like a skink. Hopefully Izzie won't try to befriend any scorpions or snakes anytime soon.

Despite all the construction around The Woodlands, it’s fascinating to see how many wild creatures still live here. There’s a dead tree behind the house, and some woodpeckers have made it their home. They’re cool to watch via David’s binoculars (though I haven’t quite gotten the hang of them yet—I still feel cross-eyed trying to look through them, but am okay looking out of one eye). Saw a male and female cardinal in our tree this morning, and some pelicans flying overhead.

This afternoon (post lizard murder) we went to get our ID cards at VillaSport, an expansive workout facility with an endless sea of exercise machines, saltwater pools, basketball courts, spa, and café (that interestingly sells ice cream and pizza, among other counterproductive offerings). I thought it would be an great place to exercise, take yoga classes, meet people...but all of this fell flat when I went there today (seems to be today’s theme). Just didn't feel comfortable.

I looked around, and became overwhelmed by the sheer size of the place. I know Texans pride themselves in everything being larger here, but the interior is 12,000 square feet! Not exactly a homey ambiance. Before leaving, I accidentally washed my hands with mouthwash (it was adjacent to the other dispensers in the fancy locker room area and not labelled, to my defense...).

Afterwards, we went to Hubbell and Hudson to get a few things for dinner. On the way out, I spotted a sign for an upcoming event called “Baconpalooza: Everything’s Better with Bacon.” Taste treats include bacon brittle, chocolate-dipped bacon, “baconnaise,” smoked bacon cheesecake, bacon red velvet cupcakes, and “bacon wrapped hatch poppers.” Vegetarians beware.

Wednesday, August 31

10:00 a.m.  I spoke with an old family friend named Josephine  today. She just moved to Conroe (about 20 minutes away) from Cleveland to be closer to two of her daughters, some grandchildren, great grandchildren, and even great-great grandchildren. She’s 85 and is sharp as ever.

She began as our cleaning lady, but became a family friend, not only to our family, but also my father's parents, his brother's family, his aunt's and sister's families, too. "I have my black family and I have my white family," she said, referring to us as the latter. I loved that.

Here’s what I remember most about her:

• Instead of calling us Wendy, Lissy, Missy and Josh, we were Wenders, Lissers, Missers and Joshers.

• When she babysat for us, she could wrestle the four of us at one time. No problem.
• She could move the refrigerator single-handedly in order to sweep behind it (and there weren’t wheels on fridges like there are today). Another impressive feat.
• She would let us cook for her and would happily eat anything we’d made, despite our shortcomings in the kitchen.
• Instead of looking at our eyes when she spoke to us, she stared at a point right above our heads.

My mother always said that Josephine was one of the most intelligent people she’d ever met. She didn’t have much of a formal education, but made sure that all her kids and grandkids went to college. She took great pride in the fact that one of her kids went to Harvard.

1:00 p.m.: I received the September issue of The Woodlands Magazine on my doorstep and opened up to the first page to see a full-page ad for a local plastic surgery center, with more before-and-after photos than I really wanted to see (especially while eating). The publication included a variety of ads ranging from cosmetic dentistry and more plastic surgery places, to spas, country clubs and model homes. Recommended books include Wicked Bugs, A Conversation with God, Seeing Trees, and Full Engagement: Inspire, Motivate, and Bring Out the Best in Your People.

6:00 p.m.: I counted 48 trucks on the way from Aidan’s Hebrew school to home. It’s an eight-minute drive.

7:00 p.m. David’s with the kids at the Cut the Nets basketball tryouts. I really hope they make the team. Aidan’s pretty worried, though he's actually a great player. Noah figures that at 6’2”, he has a pretty good chance. I shall pray to the NBA deities...

9:00 p.m. Got a call from David. Bad news. Neither kid made the team. Crud.

When the kids got home, Aidan was in tears and Noah was quietly resigned. Apparently, the coach had told kids, “You should watch a YouTube video and learn how to play basketball.” Noah said the coach called “the brothers” both up and said, “We’re not going to take you.” 


I told the kids that working with a coach like that wouldn’t be much fun anyhow, and that it was probably a blessing in disguise. Still...


With my “flight” response awakened (i.e., wanting to escape The Woodlands), I promptly made reservations to escape to a pet-friendly hotel in Austin this weekend. 


We watched some funny YouTube videos on basketball's funniest moments, then watched an episode of Modern Family before crashing. Better to have a few laughs before slumbering...

Thursday, September 1

While the kids were eating breakfast, I looked up the YMCA basketball program. It seems like the best option for now. I’m going to check it out today.

9:00 a.m. I found a dog park a few miles away at a place called “Cattail Park.” When I walked in, the first thing I heard was a woman chatting about her most recent cosmetic procedure (something involving a needle coming too close to her eye). I tried not to stare.

While I didn’t initially connect with the humans, it was nice to see some pups and give Izzie some play time. I met a dog named Elvis, another named Cowboy, and a rescue mix named Mo, named for the mohawk-like tuft of fur on his head. Izzie particularly enjoyed romping with a big, floppy Goldendoodle.

11:00 a.m. I braved The Woodlands Mall for the first (and hopefully last) time, in search of a Gap to get Aidan some polo shirts for school. (The dress code calls for collared shirts.) En route, I passed streets called Achievement Drive and Honor Roll Drive. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if I happened upon “Gold Medal Terrace” or “My Kid’s Smarter Than Your Kid Lane.”

The Woodlands Mall is an Everywhere America Mall, only larger. It includes stores like Things Remembered, Zales, Merle Norman, Glamour Shots, and even “As Seen on TV Plus!” I couldn’t help but look at the puppies in the window of the pet store, but it made me sad knowing these are probably dogs from puppy mills. Plus, they’re stuck in a little glass cage for our viewing pleasure.

I was accosted by a woman at a kiosk who spurted some cream on my hand, then tried to corral me into sitting down for a treatment of some sort, but I managed to get away. The cloying smell of the cream, however, stayed with me for awhile.

One store I do like in the area is located just a mile away from our house. It’s the local Ace Hardware and is the closest thing I’ve found to a general store. It houses a small post office, housewares, stuff for the yard...and of course, tons of hardware. They have all kinds of gadgets, too, including a Fat Mop (for soaking up fat), a Crust Buster (for cutting off bread crusts), Monkey Butt powder (for skin irritations) and a Shoot-and-Cook (a rifle-shaped lighter). I found the Redneck IQ test (shown below) on a magnet near the post office.

Shoot n' Cook BBQ Lighter

Redneck IQ Test